Axel Christian Boilesen

Axel's Committal Service - May 25, 2013

 

Cotesfield Cemetery, May 25, 2013 - Remembering Axel

By Doug Boilesen

On Memorial Day weekend, two months after Axel's Joy and Thanksgiving Memorial Service, a gathering was held at the Cotesfield Cemetery in Howard County, NE to share memories of Axel in a Committal Service following the addition of Axel's ashes to his wife Betty's urn. In planning for this day the urn itself became a question and various descriptions were remembered. The funeral home was asked to take a picture of the urn after the addition of Axel's ashes because internment would take place before the Committal Service day and this would help visualize that part of the process.

 

Axel and Betty's Urn

 

And that's sort of the point of writing about this Committal Service Day. Not because the urn matters in how Axel and Betty are remembered. But if it's true, as George Eliot wrote, that "Our dead are never dead to us until we have forgotten them," then perhaps there are some things that should be documented so that details and stories are available, slowing down the process of forgetting, at least for a generation or two.

This page, which may read like a one-day travelogue, is therefore written as part of that remembering mantra for those who were present, those who would have liked to have been there but couldn't, and for a generation of family members not yet born.

Family members met at St. Paul, NE on March 25, 2013 where the afternoon started at the Howard County Historical Village. This museum is a collection of buildings from early days of Howard County, NE and it includes the Cotesfield post office where Axel's parents had a post office box. The post office was built in 1920 (three years before Axel was born). It has associations for a few in the group who remember when it was still located in Cotesfield and for others who may have visited this building after it was moved to the historical village.

Some also probably accompanied Axel and Betty as part of a Memorial Day trip to Howard County to visit the village and post office. Memorial Day was always important to both of them. I doubt there were many Memorial Days over their entire lives where they didn't visit their family cemeteries and in later years a stop at this historical village became part of their Memorial Day activities.

 

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The Cotesfield Post Office, now part of the Howard County Historical Village, St. Paul, NE

 

After leaving St. Paul the traditional Barr/Boilesen Memorial Day route was followed by making the Elba cemetery the first stop. Flowers were placed at the gravesides of Anna and Manley Barr (parents of Betty), Tay (Sarah) Ender Vogt (sister of Anna) Fay and Andus Erickson (sister of Betty) and Marjorie Ann Erickson (daughter of Fay and Betty's niece who died as a child). Other Barr and Ender relatives also rest in this cemetery and like any cemetery an awareness of past generations is felt when walking its grounds.

We then proceeded to the Cotesfield cemetery and setup chairs and blankets in front of the Boilesen headstones to continue the primary intention of the day which was to share memories and commit Axel's ashes to the Earth.

 

Gathering at the Cotesfield cemetery

 

One of the first things we always seem to comment on when visiting the Cotesfield cemetery is how much the tree has grown that Axel's father planted in memory of Axel's mother. It's a beautiful Colorado blue spruce that sits behind the graves of Chris and Elizabeth Boilesen and likewise now shades Axel and Betty who lie next to Axel's parents.

 

The Colorado spruce

 

The sharings that began after everyone got settled were random memories intermixed with some planned words: Axel's enjoyment of food, his homemade ice cream and vegetable beef soup, the family gatherings for birthdays and picnics and hamburgers on the grill; his often mentioned idea (but never a business plan) to open a soup and pie cafe which we all suspected would have been more about the social aspect than making any money; and many other comments simply rooted in themes expressed as "blessed", "fortunate", "grateful" to have been part of his life.

Sister Bev read the following which was particularly meaningful since she had also read it at his bedside as part of the transition process immediately following his passing on the night of March 21, 2013. It's a poem by Thich Nhat Hanh titled "This Body is Not Me".

This body is not me.

I am not limited by this body.

I am life without boundaries.

I have never been born, and I have never died.

Look at the ocean and the sky filled with stars, manifestations from my wondrous true mind.

Since before time, I have been free.

Birth and death are only doors through which we pass, sacred thresholds on our journey.

Birth and death are a game of hide- and seek.

So laugh with me, hold my hand, let us say good-bye, say good-bye, to meet again soon.

We meet today.

We will meet again tomorrow.

We will meet at the source every moment.

We meet each other in all forms of life.

 

After some other readings and rememberings we drove to the farm where Axel was born and raised just North of Cotesfield.

The barn was still standing that was built by Axel's father but the house was no longer present. Several of us had been with Axel on a visit to this site years earlier when the house was still standing and we remembered his reaction to going into the house and remarking how small and dark it seemed. At the time Axel's comments seemed to support the idea that sometimes returning to a place that had good memories has the potential to alter those memories. But during that visit Axel had also talked about all of the family activities that took place in their home and he fondly remembered how even the sleeping arrangement didn't feel cramped despite sharing a standard sized bed with his two brothers Floyd and Lester.

Some of Axel's ashes were spread on the homestead site and in the fields where he spent much time behind a horse planting and tilling crops; a time remembered by Axel as hard work with little or no results during the drought and Great Depression of the 1930's.

 

Spreading ashes on the site where Axel was born (the house is no longer standing)

 

The next stop was the farmstead northeast of Cotesfield across the North Loup river where the Chris Boilesen family moved after the bank took their farm during the Depression. It had rained during the week and the road into that farmstead was very muddy. All of our 4-wheel vehicles successfully made it to the homesite even though there had been some questions before heading down that farm road as to whether this was a good idea. The barn was gone and the farmhouse had been abandoned many years ago and was showing severe distress but some of us remembered the many visits we had made to this farm to visit Axel's parents and it was again a meaningful place to leave some of Axel's ashes.

 

The Chris and Elizabeth Boilesen farm across the river (looking from the farmhouse)

 

The final stop of the day would turn out to be memorable in its own way because of the route that was selected. Using a map we decided to take an unmaintained road into the hills to go to a local sight known as The Washout. The Washout had a special memory for Dad and for me as we had once hiked into the washout when I was very young only to realize on the climb out, when we were about 10 feet from the rim, that we couldn't go any further (up or down). Luckily we received assistance from some locals who happened to be in the area but it was an event that became family lore and a place where I was determined to now leave some ashes.

As we made our way to the Washout on this unmaintained road we quickly found that it was muddy and the ruts were so deep it was apparent that this road was actually a bit dangerous and was going to be much more of a challenge that the previous farm road. Because of the narrowness of the road there was no turning around. We stopped several times and got out of our cars to survey the situation but we knew that all that could be done was to keep driving forward. To everyone's relief the expected intersection came after a long one mile and we turned and travelled a few more miles down the gravel road to arrive at the entrance to the Washout.

After walking down a tractor path to the rim of the Washout the story of Axel and Doug's Washout Adventure was again retold by Doug and ashes were given to the wind. After some time spent enjoying the scenery (with Ron hiking into the washout from the otherside and waving (bad back and all from the bottom of the washout), we returned to our cars and headed back to Lincoln as evening settled in.

The Washout - Cotesfield, NE

 

There are so many moments that make up our lives and they all pass quickly. Cesare Pavese wrote that "we do not remember days; we remember moments." During this Committal Service Day each of us remembered moments about Axel's life and how much he meant to us. He was with us during the day and as the poet said "We will meet again tomorrow. We will meet at the source every moment."

One can see from the photographs that it was a remarkable day of joy.

In spirit and in memory legacies live on.

Ave atque Vale.

 

 

Additional photos from the day

 

Inside the Cotesfield Post Office and trying to ignore the NOTICE not to congregate in the post office lobby by Order of Board of Health?

 

Standing by the Cotesfield Post Office boxes, one of which was used by Chris and Elizabeth Boilesen since its opening in 1920.

 

Howard County Historical Village - inside is the original Cotesfield Telephone Company switchboard where Betty Barr spent many hours "observing" (i.e., listening) as a little girl since the parents of her good friend operated the switchboard out of their Cotesfield house.

 

 

Farmer's Telephone Company Switchboard from Cotesfield, NE

 

 

Visiting farm site where Axel was born and grew up - The barn was built by Axel's Dad.

 

 

Site of Axel's birthplace in the background

 

Looking East from home site where Axel was born

 

Looking West from home site where Axel was born

 

The Chris and Elizabeth Boilesen farmhouse across the river.

 

The Chris and Elizabeth Boilesen farm across the river (looking from the farmhouse)

 

The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The second best time is now.

Chinese proverb