Betty
Barr Boilesen
The
"Barr Good-bye"
As retold
by Doug Boilesen, son of Betty Ann Barr Boilesen.
For every
visit there is a time to go home...but not too soon.
My mother
was a woman who loved entertaining, whether it was hosting bridge,
or a family birthday, or a visit from relatives. She loved having
a visit be a special occasion and she looked for any
excuse to organize a gathering. Perhaps that is why it never
occurred to me that there was anything odd about my hosting
an annual birthday party for the phonograph.
In looking
back I know family get-togethers had the most meaning for her,
but for any visitor when it was time to go home there was always
a potentially long conversation at the doorway, and a long good-bye.
Even after coats were on another 10 minutes could pass before
everyone had crossed the threshold. It was this protracted exit
that became a trademark of our house, and at some point was
christened the "Barr Good-bye."
The origin
of the "Barr Good-bye" probably
has many sources. When my mother was growing up on the family
farm in central Nebraska the closest neighbor was one mile away.
My Great-Aunt Tay was less than three miles away. My Aunt Fay
and Uncle Andus's farm was less than ten miles away but into
the hills. I can remember in the 1950's and even into the 1960's
several Christmas Day attempts by our family to reach their
farm were unsuccessful. The rolling hills and drifts of snow
made the unpaved roads impassable. My mom used those occasions
to recall how many winters she could remember when friends and
relatives were snowed in for days and the telephone was their
only link. And when telephone lines went down the isolation
was complete. She often mentioned how lonely my aunt must have
been during those long winter months.
So where
you live and the mode of travel and communication technology
available are surely part of the story.
Our definition
of hospitality can also determine how often and how long someone
comes and stays. My Great-Aunt Tay used to say you're a guest
for the first day but after that you're part of the household
and share in the chores.
I heard
many stories about how much my grandmother loved visitors and
how she always had something extra on the stove. If the traveling
salesman was to make his monthly trip to their farm it seems
he always arrived just in time to be invited to join their noon-time
dinner which my grandmother always did.
Most visitors
were great fun for my mom and the anticipation was almost as
good as the actual visit. But there was one visitor who didn't
get the long "Barr" send-off from my mom and that
was the veterinarian. Mom knew that no matter why the vet had
come that he would be joining them at mealtime, probably seated
next to her, and he always smelled of cows and medicine.
These were
meals she never enjoyed and his good-bye couldn't come soon
enough.
But the
vet was the exception and I never heard any other stories about
anyone rushed out the door.
When you
visited the Barrs you could always look forward to the "Barr
Good-bye."
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